Razor Blades and Cat Eyes
by Malec Banewood
Summary: Alec is 18, suicidal, depressed, and has an eating disorder. When he meets a mysterious cat-eyed man, will he give him the strength to save himself? All human AU. *WARNING: very triggering, with self-harm, eating disorders and suicide.*
1. Chapter 1

**Hey. You may have noticed I deleted all my Divergent stories, and the original Razor Blades and Cat Eyes. This is a rewrite, because I wasn't very happy about the other one.**

**This is very angsty and contains self harm.**

**I do not own the characters.**

Alec's hands were shaking. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get them to still. The blade in his hands felt strangely warm, it felt like an old friend. Normally, dragging the razor across his skin was easy. He was trying to recover due to words from his sister, but it was so hard. Cutting was the only he could breathe. Alec knew it was wrong, he knew he didn't have to. But with each cut, he became calmer and calmer, forgot about everything. It was a paradise, in a morbid sort of way.

The more he thought about it, the more tempting it became. Why shouldn't he? What's stopping him? No one will notice, no one will care. He had no one to tell him not to, except Isabelle. But Isabelle has a life, she's always doing something with her friends or boyfriend. She doesn't have the time to care about Alec. She hardly ever notices him anyway.

Finally, Alec picked up to blade, bringing it to his wrist. A voice inside his head told him not to, but a stronger voice told him he should. He cut, the exact same length as all the others. He inhaled as he did, feeling alive, feeling… relieved. Alec found it strange that things like stubbing your toe can hurt like hell but you can drag a razor across your skin countless times and feel nothing. That's the best part, the nothing. Not just a physical numbness, but emotional as well. When you cut, you feel alive at the sight of the blood, and all your problems just fade away. Watching the blood form little dark beads over your skin is relaxing. Alec failed again to find a reason not to do this.

Alec relished in the feeling of numbness for as long as possible. It was a school day, and Alec was tempted to take the blade with him today. He wasn't strong enough to deal with everyone today. He dropped it into his pocket.

~oOo~

Alec walked swiftly into the boys bathroom. He was so fucking done. He found his locker covered in words like 'fag', 'go kill yourself' and 'emo freak'. After that, he was slammed into the decorated locker by three people, his backpack lost, Algebra textbook gone. Alec knew not to let these things get to him, especially the words, but the fucking did. They hurt so fucking much. He couldn't help it, he needed to cut again. If he didn't, that might lead to something bad.

He felt so weak, so powerless against himself, but he walked into the bathroom. Vacant. Perfect. He went into one of the stalls, took the blade out of his pocket, and cut. He was a perfectionist, he always made the cuts perfectly spaced, exactly the same length. The cuts didn't cause any pain, only a feeling of relaxation, so Alec didn't realize when he went deeper.

Alec leaned against the wall of the stall, finally feeling relaxed. He took a deep breath, but he noticed that his wrist was bleeding a lot more than usual. He must have cut too deep.

"Shit" Alec said. He tried to stop the blood with his shirt and with toilet paper or anything, but it just wouldn't. "Fuck," Alec cursed countless times.

He couldn't control the bleeding. His vision darkened, like the clouds passing over the sun but this didn't stop. Alec passed out on the cold bathroom floor, blood pouring from his wrists.

~oOo~

Isabelle was freaking out. Alec drove her to school, and he was never late to any class. He has never been. So where was he? She secretly knew of her brothers habits, cutting his wrists. She also saw that words on his locker… he didn't try anything, did he? The possible scenarios played out in Isabelle's mind. He could be dead for all she knew. The bell had rung, she was almost to first period but she didn't care. What was happening to Alec?

The only place she could think of was the boys bathroom, so that was where she went. She didn't care that people might have just seen her run in there. That wasn't important.

He suspicions were correct. Alec was on the floor, blood slowly flowing out of his wrist. She screamed.

"Alec!" Isabelle shook his unconscious body and continued to scream.

**So yeah, cliffhanger. Please drop a review, tell me what you think. They brighten my day and make me smile. Also, I'd like 5-10 reviews before I continue, I'd like to know people are interested in this. **

**Magnus appears within the next two chapters, which should be a lot longer then this one.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, you might notice that this chapter starts a few days after the previous. Alec obviously would have gone to a hospital, but I've never had to go to the hospital for anything major like that, nor do I know exactly how it works, so I don't really see myself being able to write about it very well. I believe that since I hadn't experienced it I couldn't really do it justice. (So yeah, Alec was okay)**

***3 days later***

Alec was back home. His parents were worried when he was in the hospital, but of course after he was home, they stopped caring and went on another of their 'business trips'. Isabelle had friends over, and they were being very loud downstairs. He decided to head to his favorite coffee shop, where he could think or read in peace.

He walked out without a word. Isabelle and Jace were too busy to care where he was going.

The walk was short, only about a block. Alec loved this coffee shop because he could sit in a private corner and study, read, or just think. He was hardly ever bothered.

Alec took a deep breath, sitting down in the comfortable chair. His head tipped back, his body and mind relishing in the peace and quiet. His hand ran over the scars on his right wrist, it seemed to calm him, closing his eyes and genuinely enjoying the silence.

Interrupting the silence was his throbbing headache. He hadn't eaten in about 2 or 3 days, and the headache was one of the worst side effects. Alec ordered a black coffee in hopes to rid himself of the headache without eating anything.

As he sat and read his book, customers came and left, people talked around him, but he didn't notice. He was lost in the world of the book, which was why he loved reading. He could escape his own life and go into a completely different world, and have a completely different life, even if it's just for a little while. It was a paradise for him, no matter how hellish the 'book world' was. It was always a fresh escape from his hell.

As he started to get distracted from his book, a stranger walked in the shop. Normally Alec wouldn't think anything of it, but this man, could you even call him a man? He looked very young, 19 or 20. He was very tall, about 6'3, which was about 2 inches taller than Alec. With spiked, midnight black hair, caramel colored skin, and extremely tight leather jeans, the man was very intriguing to Alec. He was attractive, very attractive, even though Alec didn't even see his face.

He ordered some fancy and somewhat ridiculous 'coffee' and waited for it to be prepared. Alec finally got a look at his face. His skin was flawless and exotic, eyes a perfect almond shape and glossed lips. He did have strange, catlike eyes that were unnatural looking light green and almost slit-like pupils. Alec thought they had to be contacts.

Alec continued to stare at the man, examining every detail. He had a tendency to do that, stare at something or someone too long, thinking. People looked at him very strange for it. He almost didn't notice the stranger walking towards him.

"I can't help but notice you're staring at me," He said. Alec couldn't help but note his voice. It was almost sweet, if voices can be sweet. It was an Asian type of accent, but it had a hint or an English accent. Alec had never heard anything like it.

"Sorry," Alec choked out. He felt very awkward and nervous around people in general, but with someone this intriguing, it was even worse.

"No, it's alright. I'm Magnus Bane." Magnus stuck his hand out. Alec tentatively grabbed it and shook. Alec cleared his throat.

"Alec Lightwood," His voice was unusually soft and quiet.

"May I sit down?" Did someone who was this attractive and exotic really want to talk to someone as plain as Alec? It made Alec nervous, he wasn't sure if he was comfortable being in a relationship or letting someone get close, if that's what Magnus wanted. He couldn't imagine someone wanting that with _him _of all people, but that's how he was acting. Alec was curious, so he let him sit down.

"Go ahead," Alec spoke, hoping his voice didn't come out shaky. Magnus sipped his coffee and sat across from Alec, looking at him with a strange glint in his cat eyes.

"Alec Lightwood," Magnus repeated a few times, as if he was testing it on his tongue. "Has anyone ever told you that you're very attractive, Alec Lightwood?"

Alec shook his head. "Well they must be blind, because you are,"

"No I'm not," Alec looked at his hands below the table, fidgeting nervously.

"Nonsense. Now, is Alec short for something?"

"Alexander,"

"Alexander," Magnus repeated this several times as well. "That's a lovely name. Lightwood is also beautiful. Sounds like some kind of royal family" Magnus chuckled. His laugh was low and deep.

Alec was kind of confused. Magnus seemed very genuine with his compliments. Why would someone want to compliment Alec?

"Alec, before we continue, I must confirm something. Are you gay?" Alec couldn't say he was surprised at the bluntness, it matched his personality.

"Yeah," He said dryly.

"Wonderful," Magnus said. "Tell me about yourself, Alexander Lightwood,"

"What do you want to know?" Normally, Alec wouldn't be this comfortable sharing information or even talking to someone like this. But something about Magnus, it just made him worry less, somehow. It was amazing, actually.

"How old are you?"

"18,"

"Wonderful, I'm 19," Magnus said. Alec couldn't get enough or his accent.

They continued on with the questions, most of them being silly and unimportant, like 'what's your favorite color', but amazingly, Alec enjoyed himself. It was the first time he genuinely enjoyed something in a long time. Too long, he thought.

They must have talked for longer than Alec realized, because the manager announced that the shop was closing. By the end of the night, Magnus's number was in Alec's phone.

Alec couldn't stop smiling on the walk home. People probably thought he was crazy. Alec himself thought it was crazy, that a stranger could do this to him. Feeling truly happy was something he locked away in his mind, it was no longer important to him. But now, with Magnus, he realized how much he missed it.

After a few minutes, Alec mentally slapped himself. He was already infatuated with the man and he didn't even know him earlier today. If he didn't stop thinking like this, he was going to hurt himself. Or hurt Magnus. This soured Alec's mood but he still felt better than he has in months. Maybe moments like this were the reasons he should stay alive.

Would there be more? Alec found it hard to believe that Magnus even cared enough to say three words to him. There was no way Alec could picture someone ever falling in love with him.

**So yeah, the chapters a little longer this time. Tell me what you think, please. Was this scene realistic? Is it going too fast? I'm kind of freaking out about it, so please write a review!**

**What do you think of Magnus? **

**BTW, I'm still trying to make these chapters longer and better, but for some reason long chapters tend to be really difficult for me to write. **

**Also, thanks for the great feedback on the last chapter. I'd love to see it the same for this one. **


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